The Act of Choosing Me

Last week was my last week at my job, which I loooovedd so dearly. My supervisor was amazing, the other therapists were kind and friendly, and most importantly, my clients were extraordinary. But even with all those perks, I decided to leave my job and embark a new journey- a journey I have never really been on, maybe started, but ran back…a few times.

At some point this year, I felt as if the heaviness of the pandemic weighed down on me- I’m sure many of you have felt it too. I constantly felt mentally and physically exhausted. When I found moments to recharge over the weekend, it was short lived, and I found myself back at Monday… again… already exhausted. It was difficult to take care of my needs and couldn't be as present as I wanted to be with my clients (but also with family, friends, and myself), which I hated and is ultimately what led to this moment in time. Honestly, I feel like reading the Harry Potter series during the pandemic was the only thing holding me together.

I felt deep down that it was time to grow my private practice, be present for my clients, to have flexibility and autonomy over my time/schedule/what I do, to learn more deeply about the topics I am passionate about, but most importantly… to take care of myself… my mind, body and soul because that is all I’ve got at the end of the day.

I love being a therapist. I know this is what I am supposed to be doing, so leaving my clients behind at my job was so difficult for me. I feel happy knowing that I have my private practice clients. At times, I feel like I live a thousand lives through the narratives of my clients. I don’t mean that in a negative way. In fact, I see it as a blessing and have so much gratitude towards my clients and others who allow me to be part of their story. I feel honored to be part of my clients healing journey and see them grow in ways they never thought they could and would.

Through my client’s growth, I also grow professionally, but I also learn about myself. And with that, I have the utmost gratitude, from the bottom of my heart to my clients, but also to everyone else who shares their story as that is what connects us to one another and makes the world go round.

I am excited for this new journey- one that’s curated in a way that allows me to be me in my own capacity, and not based on others. It is the start to act intuitively and live authentically- to be and live a life of peace and love, to help myself, while I help others, and shed unrealistic expectations that don’t support the life I am trying to create, professionally and personally, rather than stride for unhealthy perceptions of happiness (yeah, even us therapists have these).

It is through the losses and endings in life that our new beginnings start.

Thank you for being here.

Sending you lots of light, love, and blessings.

Daria Stepanian, LMFT